Coping with Loss: Seeing the Light within the Darkness

    Realizing that I cannot control certain things in this world, is difficult. When you experience a loss of pregnancy, you don't want to hear things like, it wasn't your fault or there was nothing you could've done to prevent it, it was too early, or it just wasn't meant to be, I'm sorry for your loss, or you have my condolences. You probably don't want to hear much of anything, I know I sure didn't. The last thing I wanted to hear was how someone felt sorry for me. 

    There isn't anything anyone can say to make you feel better. A pregnancy loss is similar to the loss of a family member. Except, the loss isn't physically seen at an early stage. An invisible force strikes and its unseen by others. That is what makes an early pregnancy loss, seem unreal to anyone other than the mother, who saw the positive test and the first ultrasound. It becomes real to her. 

    So, the question is how does a mother cope with an early pregnancy loss? 

My personal experience was to shut down, act like it never happened. Over time, my coping mechanism became obsolete, it no longer worked. After each miscarriage, it became harder and harder to not let it affect me. Not coping and accepting my grief over the years, built up and exploded. I found myself yelling at my girls, and not spending time with them. They needed me and I wasn't there. I couldn't be a good mother to them, because I was stuck in my own mind. I couldn't even be happy for friends or family members, that became pregnant, because I didn't accept my grief. 

1. Don't compare your grief with another's 
2. Talk about it 
3. Pray about it 
4. Write about it
5. Try and do something fun with your kids especially if they are aware of the loss, they experience grief for their lost sibling as well. 
6. Accept - your grief, if you don't it will reoccur later in life. (My experience).